You are Not Unemployed, Sir. You are Self-employed.

May 8, 2009 – 2:49 pm

Statistics Breakthrough by Canadian Agency

Statistics Canada is the official government agency that “produces statistics that help Canadians better understand their country — its population, resources, economy, society and culture.” In addition to conducting a census every five years, Statistics Canada conducts about 350 active surveys on virtually all aspects of Canadian life - including employment.

Today, May 8, 2009, Statistics Canada released its Labour Force Survey for April 2009. One of its findings, reported today in the Statistics Canada Daily online report, (borrowing a phrase from Barry Asin, the highly excitable EVP and Chief Analyst for Staffing Industry Analysts, Inc.) “just about caused me to fall out of my chair.” Apparently, Statistics Canada has discovered how to eliminate unemployment. To wit, the following statement:

“Employment grew by 36,000 in April, the result of an increase in self-employment.”

Yes, folks, the secret to eliminating unemployment is to increase the roles of the self-employed! I can hear it now: “Here’s your pink slip, hey. Welcome to the growing ranks of the self-employed.”

Thank You, Statistics Canada!

It does make sense, you know. Here is how the logic might play out for citizens of the United States.

1. Every citizen and resident alien in the United States, as well as every non-resident alien with a valid work visa, has a US Social Security number.
    
2. Everyone with a US Social Security number is a sole proprietor, the default business status in the United States.
    
3. Solo Proprietors are, by definition, self-employed.
    
4. Therefore, everyone in the United States with a Social Security number is employed, albeit by their own sole proprietorship.
    
5. If everyone in the US is employed, then the rate of unemployment must be zero.

Ta da! We have just eliminated unemployment in the United States.

Thank you, Statistics Canada, for your invaluable insight and contribution to the economic well being of all Americans. Idle workers of the world, unite! You are not unemployed. You are simply between customers.

James R. Ziegler, Ph.D.